Today I am thinking about adventure as I sit in my quiet office. Did I ever think I would be happy in this place at this time? What gives me the right to feel like I should be exactly where I want to be? So many people aren't able to. So I am aware of the need to be thankful, and continue to seek joy in the many things I can and can't control.
I am also full of questions. Can I still be passionately alive while in this quiet existence? I know that some have found a way to do so. The introspective life could be filled with activity and life in its own way. My restlessness pulls me toward seeking something new...but what? I know I am working towards a different daily path- one that lights my fire and has an impact on the lives of others. But will that make me content or will the restlessness continue? If I were able to spend each day outdoors, surrounded by the beauty that fills me heart, would that bring contentment? Or would I wrestle with self-absorption and a need to help others? Can I find something to meet both these desires or am I to instead attempt to discover if part of finding the adventure is in the longing itself...figuring out how to live each moment as prayer, as life to the fullest - whether that's typing words on a screen in a quiet building, wiping a kid's nose, or hiking in sub-zero winds?
The questions remain. They come in and out of my brain, teasing me with their constant return. And I'm not sure I want answers so much as an opportunity to live out the questions. Something is bubbling...and though I'm okay being in the dark about the final result, I am antsy to turn up the heat.
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